Leap of Faith

Happy Leap Day!

I can't help but feeling that an extra day is something special, a little "good luck" gift.

So I hope everyone used this day to do something extra and fun.

Me? I went grocery shopping, taped out the next set in the rehearsal room and did the show. Nothing too exciting, but hey, things don't always work out the way you want them to.


Maybe next Leap Day. We'll see what the next 4 years brings...

City Sidewalks

Walking back from brunch at Ants Pants this morning we came across this dude on the sidewalk:





I enjoy the buttons especially, a nice artistic touch.


In other news, in the past 24 hours I have dealt with: an actress puking her guts out inbetween scenes, a massive bar brawl that happened right outside our bedroom window around 2am resulting in me having to call the cops to break it up, Deb's horrific coughing fits all night long, and a nasty spat between an actor and a technician that I had to mediate. I've had about 2 hours of sleep and 4 giant cups of coffee. It's going to be one of those days.


Thank god tomorrow is Monday.

I Feel Safe Here

And now we take a break from our regularly scheduled angst to look at silly photos of my cat:



What are you doing in the TV console, Betty??

A Little Perspective

Tonight is opening night for Mr. Bailey's Minder here at Studio 3. As I've mentioned in previous blogs, I've been feeling a little disconnected lately. I've been trying to figure out if this is a good thing or a bad thing, and I've come to the conclusion that it's a little bit of both.


This show has been tough. It's a big one for us-- large cast, lots of props, lots of costumes, complicated scene changes. Add in some difficult personalities and the normal stresses of tech, and it all starts to ball together into one big mess. It can be overwhelming. But like I've mentioned before, this time I feel like I'm floating above it all, strangely neutral.


It's been nice, actually. I like not letting insecure actors, fretful designers and stressed out technicians effect me. Since the Stage Manager Neutrality has become such a part of who I am, I had been absorbing all the negativity and either spewing it out at home (sorry Deb!) or simply internalizing it, questioning myself everytime someone freaked out. Never was a temper tantrum an actor or technician's own fault, it was always something I did or failed to do. I'm beginning to see just how flawed this logic is. Not only is that often simply not true, it's also incredibly self destructive. Other people's moods should not affect me in such a deeply personal way. And this time, they didn't! It was pretty great, actually.


Of course I don't mean to infer that this process was all bad. It has just been a big show, with all of the stresses that a big show entails. It's going to be such a great show, though. Definitely worth seeing-- a beautiful production.


In my personal life, well, this neutrality is a different story. It's important to stay engaged with the people that I love. Perhaps little mini-mental vacations are all right-- everyone needs their alone time. But I think it's vital for my health and the health of my relationships that I keep engaged and involved.


So for my opening night gift to myself, I bought a beautiful new journal. I'll use it to focus my turmoil, to remain active and aware of my feelings. And to help me keep this blessed neutrality when it comes to work.


Maybe I'm finally finding a bit of balance... but this period of withdrawal has certainly given me a great perspective.


Happy opening-- 3 down, 2 more to go!!!

Dream Date

I have a date tonight.



Ooooh, bad picture pun. Sorry. But you would not believe how hard it is to find a picture of a lesbian couple on a date that isn't pornographic or too white or cheesy or... whatever. But I'll save my internet search-engine rant for later.


The most important thing is, I have a date tonight. We never ever get Sunday nights off. There's always a show. Once in a blue moon, the mainstage won't have a Sunday show, but I always do.


Except tonight, when the stars aligned and I find myself out of tech early and Deb doesn't have an evening show...


So we're going on a date. Probably Burmese food. And we have movie plans for our day off tomorrow too. After I sleep in until noon, that is.


Good food with my lady tonight, sleeping in tomorrow morning, a movie tomorrow night?? Could a girl ask for more?


I just can't wait.

Fingertip World

I just had to brag.


I'm posting this blog from my booth here in Studio 3.


That's right, we got the internet up here. Mind you, it's on the same computer I run all of my sound cues from, so I'm way too paranoid to use it during an actual performance.


But it sure is fun when we're doing actor notes. I should be cleaning up my call book, but this is just too much fun.


I wanted to post a picture with this blog, but this is an Apple computer and I'm not savvy enough to figure that out yet.


Anyway, I'm done bragging now.

A Day of Broken Hearts

Valentine's Day sucks. Not just for the single, but for those of us in relationships too... it's just another overblown holiday hyped by Hallmark and candy makers. But complaining about Valentine's Day is almost as much of a cliche as celebrating it.



So I'm just going to say that today finds me heartbroken.



I waited too long to go shopping for my favorite favorite favorite candy in the world, cinnamon red hots. And now all the stores are cleaned out.


I might cry myself to sleep tonight.


Fuckin' Valentines Day... you leave me bereft yet again.

.

Outside Looking In

Ever feel like life is happening around you, like you're in the room but no one else knows you're there?



Ever feel that way at work, when there's 10 people talking over you and keeping busy by doing your job instead of worrying about their own?



Ever feel that way in your relationship, when you feel there's so much more you should be giving and expressing and doing and yet you're so tired and drained that you can't?



Ever feel this way? Tell me. How did you snap out of it? Or is this a good thing, a necessary form of self protection?



I wonder. The view is nice from here, it's not at all unpleasant. Yet I somehow suspect that being this detached isn't a good thing for very long.

Do you think it hurts to die?

I'm not being morose, that's a line from Vivien. Which closed on Sunday. It's so funny. There are some show you can't stand from the first rehearsal and can't wait for them to close, there are some shows you're completely indifferent about, there are some shows that you love from the first rehearsal and are devastated when they close and then there are other shows you don't know how you feel about until you get into the run and realize that it's really, really grown on you.


Such was the case with Vivien. Since we didn't rehearse it here, I didn't "bond" with it like I do most shows... and by "bond", I mean stare at the script in the rehearsal room until the words "swim off the page" and become nonsense, no matter how beautifully written they are.


Vivien the show grew on me by watching it during our performances, and Vivien the actress grew on me as I got to know the lovely and talented Janis Stevens. I'll miss them both, but mostly I'll miss what the audience doesn't see: Janis offering us champagne chocolates, Janis getting excited about her "little red balls" (the cue lights) Janis not realizing that there was haze in the show until the closing weekend, Janis sharing pug stories with us, Janis complaining about the shopping bags that patrons rustled through. I really enjoyed working with Janis and hope we get to do so again in the future.

"Beginners, Vivien!"


Oh, yeah, and our closing night also happened to be Super Bowl Sunday. Of course we missed the game, but we had to stop into Coco's for a Closing Night/Everybody-else-is-drinking-because-it's-Super-Bowl drink.


Angela was excited about a Giants win. Amanda was still recovering from the previous night's festivities.

Ask Amanda sometime why her face is so red.

Knock, knock

The next time that this woman:


tries to convince me to drink many of these:

somebody warn me! These actresses are killers, pretending to be all nice and buy you fancy cocktails, but really, they're just trying to get you drunk drunk drunk.

Delicious cocktails at a swanky gay bar may just be my new weakness.

Thanks, Janis... the hangover is intense, but worth it!