Cookie Cutter

As our wedding plans come more into focus, I've decided to start my wedding research. On a whim, I bought a bridal magazine, picked off the rack specifically because it looked the most modern and the least frou-frou.

I was in for a shock. Never having been one of those girls who started planning her wedding at a tender age, I was not prepared to be overwhelmed by the rampant consumerism and the complete banality presented on every page.

Now I'm a realist-- I certainly didn't expect any mention of same-sex marriage in this mainstream publication. But I did expect to see a slightly more realistic depiction of modern people getting married. According to this magazine, the only people getting married were slender white people in their 20's, who could afford sumptuous gowns, elaborate florals, lavish receptions and honeymoons in exotic and pricey locals.

There was no mention of interracial marriage, marriage between older people, couples who had children together already, blended families, couples who didn't have a lot of money... all things that are increasingly more common than the wealthy, slender white couples.

And the consumerism! Page after page of advertisements, most for things I'd never considered "essential" for a wedding, as they all claimed to be. Wedding gowns that cost tens of thousands of dollars. There was an article for a "budget" reception-- it will only cost you $15,000! A wedding band stacked with so many diamonds that I wouldn't leave the house wearing, for fear I would be instantly mugged for the thousands of dollars I was sporting on just one finger. Exotic flowers! Pricey bridesmaids gifts! Spa packages! Cakes that look like pieces of architecture!

And for what? What is the point of all of this? Certainly a wedding is a grand occasion to celebrate the love and commitment of a couple. And although I know there are people out there who have the money for this kind of lavish affair, most do not. These magazines only reinforce that the ONLY way to get married is in this over-the-top manner, which I think is just plain tacky.

The point of making a commitment is to be married, hopefully for a very long time. The wedding is just one day. Why waste all of your time and resources on one day, when you have the rest of your lives together?

Not to mention that although in the real world, the concept and definition of marriage has changed drastically. Everyone knows that a marriage used to be an exchange of property: a woman's father would give her to her new husband, thus taking the financial burden of caring for her off of her father's shoulders and onto her new husband's. The husband would get a handsome dowry in exchange for this act, and after the wedding, the main goal of the marriage was procreation.

Now of course people marry for love, sometimes don't have children, often divorce and re-marry and basically pursue their own happiness. Women aren't property any more, thank goodness.

But you wouldn't know this from the magazines, with their obsession with the Victorian image of a bride, in her white dress and long, modest veil. Seriously, this image hasn't changed much in a CENTURY.

Check it out. A Victorian bride gets ready for her nuptials:

A "modern" bride:
Now don't get me wrong, I'm not knocking anyone who had a traditional wedding or who wants one. People should be free to marry whoever and however they like. I'm knocking the industry for reinforcing the notion that the ONLY way to properly get married is this traditional (and expensive!) form. It seems to me that it's becoming less and less about the meaning of marriage and more and more just a consumerist grab.

Okay, my wedding rant is over. And now for the big news. Deb and I will be tying the knot in a very, very, very small ceremony August 2010. We are going to forgo a reception and have a sit-down dinner at a nice restaurant after the ceremony. Right now we're really leaning towards James, but this may change, of course. Certainly we aren't able to have a large and lavish wedding for financial reasons, but more importantly, we don't want one. We want to make a commitment to each other surrounded by our family and a few old friends, and that's about it.

Our plan is to have an extremely small wedding, so please don't feel slighted if you don't receive an invitation. We love you all very much, and there will be a giant post-wedding barbeque for everyone to come and drink and celebrate.

Now according to those magazines I'm supposed to start some type of bridal countdown... more details to follow soon.