Howl

Last night Deb and I returned home after a round of drinks with the lovely Amanda McKenna and were sitting in our living room when we heard someone outside kicking my bike. This has happened before-- drunken idiots and children especially like to mess with my bike. I've had to go out on the deck before and say "Hey. Stop touching my bike."

Last night, I thought, was no different. I stepped out on the deck to see 4 young men, obviously quite inebriated, kicking the wheels of my bike. I said firmly: "Hey. Stop touching my bike RIGHT NOW."

To which they replied "Fuck you, bitch". Deb stepped out onto the deck. "She said to stop touching her bike. Stop."

From then the evening passed in a blur, fastforwarded through the awfulness. Deb remained firm but fair. They called her a dyke and a nigger and told her that they were going to sodomize her. We called the cops. They told Deb to come down and fight them, or at least to get a man to fight them. They called us fucking dykes.

I remember watching a beer bottle slice through the air and explode on the wall next to our heads. Beer splashed all over us, thankfully glass did not. I started to cry and they made fun of me. One of them began to apologize for his friends, but when Deb said "If you're really sorry, make your friends stop" he got angry and joined in. One of them was particularly vocal with the racial slurs, calling Deb a nigger and "burnt" and a black dyke bitch.

And then they destroyed my bike. Totally bent and twisted and kicked the wheels-- they took out all of their aggression on this bike of mine. This bike that Deb bought me that I've had for 2 years and loved very, very much. It was horrifying. I came back outside to try and get Deb inside, saw the destroyed bike and...

I howled. No, I screamed. It was the most primal of impulses, I felt violated and lost and utterly terrified. The sound of my own rage scared me. I ran inside.

They told Deb that I should have screamed rape, because then maybe someone would have cared.

They left just before the cops came. Deb gave the cops their description and the direction they had left in, but we heard nothing for the rest of the night.

This morning the sun was out and the streets were full of Saturday bustle, but I will never look at my neighbors the same again. No one came outside. No one helped. And I know those boys are of this neighborhood. They have spoken, and we get the message loud and clear. Black and gay and woman are targets. We will take what we want from you. We will direct our anger at you.


"I saw the best minds of my generation destroyed by
madness, starving hysterical naked,
dragging themselves through the negro streets at dawn
looking for an angry fix..."