Counting down to trash day

One week from tomorrow. Our world-famous White Trash party. This year is our 4th such party in Philadelphia, although I've been throwing White Trash parties since before I was legal. (How trashy is that??!)

My first was in summer stock, and it was such a huge success that the cops actually were called for a noise violation. Imagine, if you will, trying to chat pleasantly with a policeman while sporting a huge pregnancy belly and a black eye. For some reason the young officer kept his eyes at my feet as he sternly told me to "keep it down". I was trying to avoid a ticket all the while stalling the cops enough so that the under-agers at the party would have a chance to discreetly get rid of their Solo cups filled with jungle juice. The cops actually came up the fire escape, which struck me as an awesomely trashy way to break up a party.

My second party, and the first time I used the theme of White Trash to celebrate an actual holiday, was at my alma mater, SUNY Purchase. Traditionally in the Design/Tech social strata, the freshmen were responsible for throwing an illegal Christmas party in a drafting studio. There were only 3 requirements: the party must have a keg of beer (which was illegal on our campus), a Christmas tree that was stolen from somewhere (we were cautioned against stealing from federal property) and it must be a rocking good time (obviously). I'm proud to report that our party was a trashy success and we were not caught by campus police. It looked dicey in the beginning-- we didn't have quite enough money for a keg. Just when we'd given up our keg dream as lost, Rich and Leo huffed and puffed a full keg up 3 flights of stairs and saved the day. I introduced Jello shots (such a good way to get completely blasted) and a costume contest to this party (Ray Harold, my hat's off). My clearest memory of the actual party was being lifted for a keg stand, the beer running down my pregnancy belly. (I had yet to diversify costume-wise at this point.)

The next day, we got a raised eyebrow from Dan regarding the trail of pine needles in the Design Tech hallway, but that was it. No major damage, and the drafting studio only vaguely stunk of beer. Success!

My three White Trash parties here in Philly have been equally awesome-- I have so many drunken, jumbled memories that are just serving to get me all excited for this year. Some highlights? Meeting Lindsay & Carrie for the first time (White Trash I), the naked man (White Trash II), Deb removing her pants (White Trash I-III), Kelley Faulkner's adult diaper (White Trash III), the guy who came as a child molester (White Trash I), Angela walking into the screen (White Trash III), Rachel's boobies (White Trash II), AJ & Melanie as Brett & Heather-- "We would have been here earlier, but AJ thought I looked hot so we did it" (White Trash III), Lindsay & Carrie taking sniper positions to ward off "terrorists and Mexicans" (White Trash II), Amanda and Beth as very dedicated Siamese twins-- they even went to the bathroom together (White Trash III), Jon Carter teasing my hair so high that it took a whole bottle of conditioner and a lot of tears to comb out (White Trash I), Amanda's Detroit Trash (White Trash II), various end of-the-night wrestling matches (White Trash I-III), a winner of Project Runway changing the aforementioned adult diaper in the middle of the dance floor (White Trash III)...

Not to mention the food: pork rinds, tatertot casserole, mock apple pie, cheese doodles, Nutella (Euro-trash!), Jaritas soda pop...

And the drinks: Schlitz beer, Hazelton special, ghetto margaritas, Jello shots, National Bohemian beer...

This year is going to be bigger, better and even trashier. Are you ready? I am. Melanie and I are going shopping for our costumes today. We have a bit of a group theme going here, and I think it's going to be awesome. Everyone had better up their game this year, because if a woman can win the first costume prize for wearing an adult diaper last year, I have a feeling it's going to be even more over-the-top this year.

How do I know this for sure? Because the other day my college buddy Magic Mike told me that he was going to be in town on Sunday and that he and his lovely wife are coming to the party. Now I'm not sure you Philly people are ready for Magic Mike. That boy knows how to PARTY. Just take a deep breath, prepare yourself mentally, and get ready to do a few shots of Bacardi 151, Mike's specialty. Ask him to see a card trick-- you won't be disappointed. And I have to remember to tell him that he has to go outside to eat fire, breath fire or play with flammable liquids of any kind.


To prepare yourself for the trashy awesomeness that's coming your way on Sunday, share your favorite White Trash memories here! And we hope to see YOU this Sunday, October 26th at 8pm. Yee-haw!